Does anyone know where in the world we can find Cleggwyn Cledd?? One minute he was here writing top quality C# applications and the next he was gone !!! ZOMG.
We miss him terribly, farting and belching all day long, come back MUTHA FUCKER 
Old Town Cafe, Swindon
Old Town Cafe
64 Devizes Rd
Swindon
Wiltshire SN1 4BD
Tel: 01793 542552
Opening Hours: Not Known
General Intro
Having being a return visitor/resident of Swindon since 1977 I have never until now experienced the Old Town Cafe, and as my brother Jason would say “There is probably a good reason for that”. I only wish I had listened to him, even though he didn’t say it, but he would have if he had the chance. But it’s not all bad.
Location
Located in Devizes Road in the heart of the Old Town area of Swindon it’s easy to find but it can be missed if driving as this road gets very busy. The paper shop is just round the corner. Parking is nearby. 8/10
Outside Appearance
Situated on the corner of a side street, so it has front and a side. Large windows with the usual sign boards outside. Shop signage is cream with blue writing nothing fancy but that is a good thing. There are large old style lanterns around the signage and wall have been finished with stone cladding. All looking good so far. 8/10
Inside Appearance
The whole area is a nice standard square with dark wooden tables and chairs. No table cloths. The usual condiments on the table. Under the front window the ledge has got a row of local fliers. Nice big counter at the back with somebody behind it. Chalk board menus, no unusual smells and no music. 7/10
Service
No evidence to waiting staff so I ask if man behind counter the if I have give my order at the counter or will someone come over. The counter it is. This is where it goes funny.
The person who is taking my order is an oldish guy and without asking I assume he is the proprietor. So I start give my order of the Clegg Standard. He hesitates a bit because I was not ordering a standard menu. So, he duly took my order. Then he turned into my independent financial adviser and advised me if I took one of his standard meals and removed a few items it would be cheaper. This is all very well, but I am prepared to pay £7.50. It came to £7.40 and I said fine but he insisted in trying to force me order his version of my meal but for £7. Because I was not going with it he knocked it down to £6. I started getting peeved. Why he can’t just take more order. I say I don’t mind paying the full £7.40. This continued until I agreed with him on his ordering strategy and agreed to £6.50. I am now ruffled in slightly annoyed. He makes my tea for me, there and then so I have no input as to how it is made. I pay my money and take my seat. 3/10
Waiting Time
I usually start by reading The Guide in the observer on sat. Any if the meal has come before I have read the first article all is well. It did, so no worries there. Still annoyed about the ordering issue though. 6/10
Visual Quality of Food
On first glance pretty good. Nice round white plate. But chips look like the cheap Iceland frozen chips. The sausages are not a nice bark brown but a light grayish brown. The eggs have a brown edging around the white, looks as though they had been fired in dirty oil. The toast is ok but I have to cut the toast myself into the prerequisite 4 individual pieces. Tea colour is OK. 5/10
Taste of Food
After squirting a good dose on tommy sauce on the egg, chip and bacon crossover point I taste with the corner of my toast. Errrrgh – Not Heinz tommy sauce, very sharp an vinegary. So I plod on. The chips as I suspected have no taste but they are crispy enough if a little cold. The egg and bacon are passable. Not toooo bad, until we get on the sausages. I already suspected them to be a little weird. They were a little on the hard side and a bit dry but they had this really weird taste. I didn’t like them all. These sausages where really bad. Tea and toast where good though. But the sausages & tommy sauce situation makes it only 3/10.
Cost
£6.50, should have gone for the £6. 3/10
Amount of Clientele
When I arrived there were 2 couples by the time food had come I was the only one in the place. Not happy. 2/10
General Summary/Other Remarks
The look of the place was great but the weird service, the substandard meal and the lack of clientele means 3/10.
Right!
With my new blog only a mere few hours old I thought it would at least be another day before a bonafide rant appeared in my rant sphere. Well here it is and it’s about my park space.
I rent my quite nice house in Swindon and because it is quite nice I have the benefit of have not only one but two park spaces. Now one park space is always occupied by my trailer (essential road accessory of the West Country gent like myself). So this leaves one space left. Now I am no Stephen Hawking but it is not that difficult to work out - I have one car and I have one park space free. So why the fuck is it necessary any chump to park their car in my space.
Oh yes you may say the whole parking area can accommodate quite a lot of cars so why don’t you park on the unmarked area and shut the fuck up? Why do they have to park in my space thus forcing me to park in an unmarked area?
So, I have parked my next to my park space which is now being occupied by a Ford Focus.
So why the have fucking park spaces if cunts are just going to use them whenever they feel like. Why waste the time of marking out a park space. Why the fuck did they build my park space in the first place. So somebody else can use it? No, it was so I could fucking use it.
So what do I do? I’ll tell you what I’ll do; I’ll go down to his fucking Ford Focus that is in my parking space put a dead fish in his engine bay and a banana in his exhaust pipe.
But then I’ll realise I haven’t got any fish (dead or alive) and don’t like bananas, so I don’t buy them, so I haven’t got any to put up his exhaust pipe.
So before I would have fumed to myself stomped into my house opened a can of Stella Artois and placed the whole thing into the coiled spring of unopened whoop ass that is my angry British shit, that is continually being suppressed by blanket of the fucking worst case of stiff upper lippedness since somebody got nailed to a cross for suggesting you shouldn’t steal your neighbors’ chariot space.
But now I can vent my spleen here. Which is just what have I have done. All’s well you think. Until the driver of the Ford Focus turns out to be a is homicidal maniac and is just the type person get off on my carping on about his parking choices and come and beat the living shite out of me (oh did I tell you he would probably be built like a brick shite house). So you can’t win.
Anyway he’ll be gone tomorrow and I can have my space back but this time I’m going to piss all over my park space to mark out my territory. That’ll show him next time he wants’ to mess with me and my allocated paid for park space.
Welcome to you all!
As somebody who has been in the Web/Internet building business for good few years I though it was high time to get my little voice out there (in some cases big voice, I can be very loud on occasion).
So here we are, my blog, probably destined to reside with the many unread blogs in the webshere. But hey, a dude has to do it.
And onto the theme, I do like a good rant and I do like the British tradition of the greasy spoon cafe. So I have decided to combine the two to create “A subtle blend of ranting and cafes”
I hope you enjoy it as I start document the shit that happens to me and the shit that goes on in my head and of course the cafés I visit.
Cheers
Cledwyn